PARENTHOOD // How you know it's love.

Sometimes being a parent is really hard... and then your little boy leans in and smushes his forehead into the bridge of your nose and you know that he really loves you... and everything is ok.  

Thanks Kurt.

P.S.  Remember that time I said I was gonna post a meal plan every Friday?  Tomorrow.  I Promise.

BRINGING UP BOY.

As a little girl, I couldn't wait to be a mom!  I didn't play with barbies I played with babies... I had a diaper bag that I brought around with me and everything.  That being said, you would think I'd have this mom thing a little more together.  My kid has gone shoeless, hatless, and coatless way more than i'd like to admit and I forget diapers an embarrassing amount.  Then there was that time 2 weeks after he was born that we walked into a resaturant to be greeted by a friend asking "where's the baby?", followed by Kris and I running frantically to the car to retrieve our sleeping babe snuggled up in his car seat.  (It takes a bit of time to adjust to life with a newborn, and they are so darn quite... please don't call child protective services... I'm a good mom, I swear!)  I mean... my 8 year old self would have never, in fact i'm sure she's cringing somewhere deep down.  I imagined my future self to be a perfect tea party hosting, french braiding, angelic lullaby singing, all together all the time mama.  So that may be a little far from the reality.  To start... I didn't have a girl.  When I was pregnant I truly didn't care the sex the baby, but I always pictured myself as a mother to a girl.  I know girls.  It's what I do... dress up and jewelry.  Therefore when I first found out that I had given birth to a big, beautiful, baby boy I panicked that I wouldn't have as much to offer him.

I could not have imagined the amount of joy I find in all things boy.  The way he grunts and growls, the instinctual car sounds he makes at anything with wheels, his rough yet gentle kisses and strong squeezes, the throwing of everything.  I have a new found love for so many things by experiencing them through his eyes... I now realize that I can do boy.  It's not all glitter and hair bows over here... bring on the reptiles.  Then, just when think there is nothing tame about him, I watch as my husband brings him a little too close to the rattlesnake exhibit.  He pulls back with caution and I think... that's my son!

MAMA.

This morning at 6am I sleepily stumbled to my little boys nursery while listening to him babble away with all the little sounds he has been making lately (we get a lot of dada and yaya around here).  As I open the door to see him standing in his crib smiling he laid it on me... mama.  Clear as day he said it and it was music to my ears.  He hasn't said it again and i'm sure he didn't even realize what had spilled out of his mouth, but it was the sweetest word i have ever heard and i can't wait to hear it again.  This little boy brings so much joy to my heart everyday.  He can make most stressed out, sleepy, and over my head moments better with just a glance of his gummy grin.  

Kurt, I love you more than you will ever know but promise to try and show you everyday.  Thank you for all the happiness you have brought to my life.  I am so lucky to be your mama.